In a time-honoured tradition, I'm offering up a year-end review. But rather than give a top ten list of say, best albums, or movies, news events, people, I'm going to list highlights of the Northwood Ranch blog. Rancho Relaxo--we're no longer self-indulgent, we're meta-self-indulgent! Is one and a half months really enough time to justify such an exercise? We'll let you, the five regular readers of the blog, be the judges of that!
10. Have a good one!
I pontificated on the purpose of the instruction "Have a good one!" This has the dubious distinction of generating the most comments of any blog entry on the ranch site. Of course, that's partly due to the fact that one of the comments was from me, and another was an accidental duplicate comment from me. However, Thanks to
Agent Kondukt, we've finally gotten to the "bottom" of the mystery behind the "good one!" statement. The answer is of course that that A) I'm hot (see #8 on this list) and B) homosexuality runs rampant in the Canadian military. And it's about time, too. Serving our country with Pride!
9. Slacks' Ditty
I have no idea where this came from, or what she was talking about. But thought provoking, yes. Wendy--care to explain? Had you been drinking that night? Were you in love?
8. Who's hot? Who's Not?
In my constant attempt to bolster my own ego, I set out to prove that even when I'm at my worst, I'm still attractive to most women. The result? I peaked at about 6.5, making me decidedly hot, before settling down to a respectable 5.5. That makes me, dressed up as "Your hung-over dad," hotter than 50% of all the men rated on
hotornot.com. It makes no sense to me, although judging from the bar graph that accompanies one's rating, I suspect that the value is skewed a little bit so as not to make people depressed about how they look. Also noteworthy, two rather attractive women have both sent notice that they want to "meet" me. Whatever that means, considering they both live far, far away.
7. Snipers Anonymous
One picture. Three sentences. Everyone loves this picture, including me. Of course, posting it will no doubt raise my
already high profile within the FBI.
6. Blogs are cool!
This doesn't really apply to one specific entry, rather the feeling of camaraderie and closeness we no doubt all felt when we first started this foray into online journals. We were all posting! Sharing inside jokes! Laughing and commenting on each other's entries! Those were the days. Oh, if only it was mid-November again!
5. Blogs are lame!
Again, not one specific entry. Just the feeling of indifference we now all seem to share for our poor Rancho Relaxo site. How else to explain our mutual lack of posting? How else to explain why Wendy and Rebs haven't posted in over a month? Meanwhile I've made only six posts in December, two of which were about my hot/not experiment. Lame, lame, lame!
4. Pimp Wendy's Ride
Writing about how ghetto I am while driving around in Wendy's car is almost as...uh, phat, I suppose...as actually driving around in Wendy's car. Perhaps I should get my own set of wheels. Then I'd only have to borrow Wendy's mix tapes.
3. Now We Are Three
Taking you right back to the beginning, here's where it all started, with a brief exposé of the debauchery, secrets, and in-jokes that were to follow. Oh, you folks don't know the half of what goes on around here. Okay, not much actually goes on around here per sé, it's more the conversations we have. Oh, the
conversations! I could blackmail certain people, but they'd probably just blackmail me right back. It's fun having roommates. Now forget I wrote any of this.
2. The Best of Ranch
This entry that you are currently reading kicks ass. Before continuing on to the number one entry of the year, go back and read about the previous eight, and then read this one again. Repeat as necessary! (Note: It doesn't matter that it was posted in January 2005, I thought of the idea for the post last week. Unfortunately I was in dial-up land at the time and didn't really want to endure the tedium of waiting five minutes for each page to load.)
1. Underwear Everywhere!
For some reason, the subject of underwear came up more than once on this blog. It was mainly in innocent contexts, and it's about as raunchy as this blog ever got. And since stuff like that is way more titillating than breakfast eating habits, underwear gets the nod for top spot. Whether it's Rod wandering around early in the morning wearing nothing but boxers, or Rebs complaining about Rod in his underwear (even though she admits that she didn't actually see me), or Wendy's advice about dating men with fancy underwear, it seems that this vital garment has defined our online existence. Hell, I'm wearing underwear right now. I'm also wearing pants and a shirt, but that's a bit beside the point. Three cheers for underwear!
That's it for 2004. Hope you have enjoyed reading about living at the ranch as much as we enjoyed living about reading at the ranch. I know, that doesn't make sense.
